Nick and I have often discussed how we don’t want to argue in front of our children, or use any 4-letter-words, or watch inappropriate movies in their presence, etc. All of the typical parenting precautions we as parents take to raise our children ‘the right way’. But about two weeks ago, I realized that I was complaining a lot about how I still feel fat and can’t drop these last 30 lbs. It’s so frustrating not feeling beautiful, and not fitting into my closet full of clothes.
And then it hit me… My daughters are growing up hearing Mommy tear herself down. They’re going to learn really fast that being skinny and perfect is important. As their mother, I’m setting a standard for their body-image and self-image; a LIFETIME of confidence or insecurity. What a responsibility!
It’s so much more important to me that they be beautiful on the inside, and kind to others. When I was a little girl, my dad used to tell me “you’re prettiest when you smile” … and I want my girls to smile. I want them to be well-adjusted. Confident.
SO. All of this leads me to a decision… either embrace my new body, buy a new wardrobe, and move on. Or, get off my a** and do something about it!!!
I never thought I would say this, but… (drumroll) I’VE STARTED RUNNING. Yep, this girl right here. The girl that threw up in high school running the mile on the first LAP! The girl that runs a block and then falls to the ground gasping for air, weeping and wheezing, and wanting to die.
Counting calories and aerobics weren’t cutting it for me… so I’ve resorted to running. And I absolutely LOVE it. Every morning while the girls take their first nap, I slap on two bras and my running shoes, and I run a mile (6 laps around the perimeter of our property). It’s still cool outside, and quiet. And beautiful. I run, and it feels good.
I’ve done this every morning for 2 weeks, and I feel amazing. I actually look forward to my run. Being alone with my thoughts. Enjoying the rolling cornfields in the distance. Thinking.
And I can feel and see a change in my body already. My clothes are fitting differently. I can’t believe it.
I know I may not always feel or look amazing, or have the time to run or exercise. But no matter what, I’m committed to keeping my thoughts of insecurities to myself.
…And I choose to smile.